Squire #1: Your average knight in armor
He's utterly the pits
Squire #2: His ego's so humongous
That his 'elmet barely fits
Squire #1: He wears two tons of padding
And thinks 'e's quite the man
Squire #3: He's nothing but a jackass
In a fancy metal can!
All squires: A jackass in a can!
There's nothing worser than
Some high and mighty jackass in a can!
Squire #4: My master hasn't had a sip of his grog without my spit in it in years. I've got him cravin' it now. I gave it to him once without it and he said it didn't taste right. (laughs)
(All squires laugh.)
Squire #5: So, what about your knight? As bad as ours?
Galavant: Uh...uh... Yeah, sure.
There's all that fame and glory...
Squire #4: The smell, though, not so great
Galavant: And then those big long lances...
Squire #5: Yeah, to overcompensate!
Galavant: The glamour and swagger...
Squire #4: Yeah, I'm really not a fan
Galavant: He's quite a—
Squire #5: Major dillweed?
Galavant: In a fancy metal can!
All squires: A dillweed in a can!
There's nothing lamer than...
Galavant: A condescending dillweed in a can!
Squire #4: And who does all the planning?
Squire #5: Who does all the work?
Squire #1: Who gets no vacation?
Squire #2: Not one pay raise, not one perk?
Galavant: Good point
Squire #3: Whose third-rate insurance
Goes without a dental plan?
Galavant: Your average humble squire?
All squires: Not the meathead in a can!
That jerkface in a can!
There's nothing sadder than...
Galavant: Some over-muscled, chauvinistic,
All squires: Jackass in a can!
Galavant: (quietly) Oh my God. That's me.
- In the televised version the lyric "Third-rate insurance" is replaced with "Lousy insurance".
"Oy, What a Knight"
"Dance Until You Die"